Christmas thoughts
For so many of us, the last time we spent with Jesse was during the holidays last year. This brings up so many strong feelings and thoughts. If you have anything to share, please feel free to do so here.
posted by rachel | 5:32 PM
Remembrances of Jesse
What reminds you of Jesse? What experiences did you share with her? Post anything about her here.
6 Comments:
I posted this in my personal blog, but was asked to re-post it here:
Christmas is joyous, right?
Well, its supposed to be. And, it is. But right now I'm thinking of the person who will *not* be here to celebrate it with me.... to share in our family get togethers... to eat tons of food and cookies and laugh about our lives together...
Oh god, Jesse. I miss you. I'll say it a hundred times but the feeling will never fade.
My most recent memories of you, besides the weekend we spent together last January, are of Christmas at Aunt Judi's, your mom's. I remember being so happy to see you there. So many christmases and other holidays I have missed your company since I went away to college. I had just come back... just begun to settle in with our family's get together routine... and you were taken away from me.
I remember you wearing your new pumas. Tom had given them to you that morning. They fit you great and they went perfectly with your outfit. I feel horrible that I have them in my closet now... one size too big. I still wear them though, because they make me think of you.
I remember you showing us the new book you got, "He's just not that into you". Elena and I balked at the title. How cynical! You thought it was great. Sometimes, Jesse, men aren't worth it.
Who knows what made you do it. But still, nine months after the fact, my heart still has a hole where you are supposed to be. Sometimes I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm grasping at the air... like there should be *something* I can do to make it all better. I can't. I have to continue to struggle with these feelings.
I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I hope you are better off where you are now, because we all sure are hurting down here.
-rachel
12/24/05
It's Christmas Eve in Santa Cruz and all week I have been feeling the weight of being reminded that it was a year ago Christmas that I last saw you, Jesse. It feels as though I just saw you. So many times I go over that day in my mind and think of all the things I wish I had said to you, or all the hugs I wished I had given you. But who could have known I wouldn't have another chance?
"It's a Wonderful Life" is playing on TV tonight. George's guardian angel, Clarence, shows him what his world would be like if he had never existed. I wish you had had a guardian angel to show you how it is for us here without you. It's still a beautiful world, and a wonderful life, full of surprises and small treasures. But for all of us who love you, it's missing something truly dear--you.
Merry Christmas, Jesse. We'll all be thinking of you, and listening for bells ringing.
With all my love,
Auntie Karen
so tommorow isn't a normal christmas really for me, because despite all the *happy* holiday cheer or whatever you're supposed to feel, this year is different. last christmas was the last time I saw jesse. i remember it exactly: she looked SO cute, and me, her, rachel and clara planned to have a sleepover at Jesse's with us four girls in January..which never happened becuase of my stupid finals. I remember talking to Jesse that day and she was giving me all this advice..and we hadn't talked in a while so it was nice to catch up. I even remember saying goodbye to her that day, and thinking, wow, I wish I talked to her more often, because whenever we talk it feels like we have been talking every day.
Christmas feels really strange without jesse helping pass out gifts or get competitive with us in the board games....i miss her.
On December 27th, Judith's girlfriends from Granada were gathered together at Mary's house. Judi arrived wearing one of Jesse's very cool coats. It was our annual gathering. But now we've been brought together for an additional purpose. Under the guidance of master quilter Beverly, along with Jane and Phyllis' quilting experience - there is a "Jesse quilt" in the making.
For those of us with lesser quilting experience or distance, we have contributed by choosing words, ironing, helping select pictures, making a square. These people being Polly, Mary, Lou Ann and Susie.
The quilt is reflecting the beauty and memories we all have of Jesse. A time together where we remember, grieve, and love.
Life is full of unpredictable experiences - meant to help us grow - but to never forget those whom we love. Jesse we love you.
On December 27th, Judith's girlfriends from Granada were gathered together at Mary's house. Judi arrived wearing one of Jesse's very cool coats. It was our annual gathering. But now we've been brought together for an additional purpose. Under the guidance of master quilter Beverly, along with Jane and Phyllis' quilting experience - there is a "Jesse quilt" in the making.
For those of us with lesser quilting experience or distance, we have contributed by choosing words, ironing, helping select pictures, making a square. These people being Polly, Mary, Lou Ann and Susie.
The quilt is reflecting the beauty and memories we all have of Jesse. A time together where we remember, grieve, and love.
Life is full of unpredictable experiences - meant to help us grow - but to never forget those whom we love. Jesse we love you.
A letter from Jesse from wherever she is:
Hi everyone, wow been so busy here. You just won't believe the shopping, shoes, shoes, shoes and they all fit perfectly. That whole white light thing, well it is actually an amzing feeling. Heaven isn't in the clouds its a place so filled with all of your love. You can't imagine how this feels. There are so mant relatives and friends from all of our families. They have rent control which is good for the Grandparents and Great Grandparents. I have a job creating a photo essay about heaven. The food is good but we actually don't need to eat...its that love thing that keeps us so alive. I am working on keeping my space clean which is easy since I just have shoes and a few twirly dresses. Gotta run, I'm taking flying lessons. The real kind without airplanes. Bye for now, I am happy and full of your love. What could be better.
Oh, and yes I am watching over all of you...Rachel, did you really do that?????
(Dad actually wrote this, ha ha)
Post a Comment
<< Home